Sticking our heads in the sand

One of the things that I learned while taking management classes was that you never want to be a part of groupthink. You want to hear and consider opposing viewpoints so that you will have the most information available in order to make the best decision. Likewise, I learned that in journalism, you are supposed to do your very best to keep your opinion out of it. You are to report on the facts, and ONLY the facts. While it is nearly impossible for the writer to avoid including some personal bias, it should be the goal to keep bias out of reporting, unless the piece is an opinion piece. That being said, what in the world has happened to politics and the media??

If you look at the politicians in the forefront (democrats and republicans alike), they are surrounding themselves with only those that think exactly like them. Everyone was so critical of George W. Bush for selecting "yes men" to advise him, opting not to have anyone upset the apple cart when it came to decision making. From what I've seen of the Obama administration, nothing has changed. All of these politicians are out there making decisions that will affect our lives on multiple levels, and they aren't even taking an alternative viewpoint into consideration.

In addition to this, the media is selective of the stories that are covered on television and in print. For the most part, the media is left-leaning and favorable of the Obama administration (as well as highly critical of the Bush administration). In order to find a media outlet that is critical of the Obama administration, you have to click over to Fox News or listen to conservative talk radio like Rush Limbaugh. Now I'm not a huge Rush fan, but I will listen to him on occasion, and he makes some valid points. I try to watch several news channels to stay informed, which often means switching between Fox News, CNN, or MSNBC. I also try to read books and magazines that have critiques of politics and policies so that I can stay up to date and aware of what's going on. I feel like I need to hear both sides of the story and then I can make an intelligent decision about what I agree with, and who I will vote for.

My biggest concern is that I have seen too many people that choose to pay attention only to those that agree with them. They have no concept of any other viewpoint, nor do they wish to hear someone that opposes what they believe. If pressed on WHY they believe a specific way, many times they cannot back it up. Just because your daddy voted democrat is not a reason to vote democrat! If you believe in the ideology of the democratic party, then by all means, vote democrat!! But if you don't know what it means to be a democrat, what policies that democrats back or oppose or why, then why do you claim yourself a democrat? Because your daddy always voted democrat??? That is completely ignorant!

I don't want to call myself a republican... I'll say I'm conservative. I tend to vote republican just because the party usually (not always) backs the things that I believe in. I don't believe in abortion. I am fiscally conservative. I think that the government should stay out of the economy as much as possible, and I believe that the economy will expand and contract on its own. While this may mean some discomfort while we're in the recession, I have learned that things will correct themselves on their own. I don't believe in big government, and I think too many people are relying on the government to fix everything. All I've ever seen from government involvement is a huge cluster that is irreparable and never ending. I'm not going to get into backing all of this up in a blog, but you can be assured that if I've made these statements, I have educated reasons to back them up. You don't have to agree with me, and you don't have to believe what I believe. I'm just saying that I have taken the time to research each of these subjects, and I have formed my own opinion based on what I've learned and seen with my own eyes. (Would you believe I used to be a democrat?? It's amazing what a few years and life experience will do for your viewpoint...)

My biggest fear is that I see so many of my peers basically sticking their heads in the sand and ignoring what's going on. I guess they think that if they ignore it, it will go away. Let me tell you, NONE of these things are going away!! Remember when the state of Tennessee raised the sales tax to 9.25%, and it was supposed to be "temporary?" How long ago was that? It hasn't gone away yet. Have you ever seen something that the government implemented go away? It may have been renamed, but it's never gone away. I see people my age behaving as if some of these things are no big deal. These are things that will affect us for the rest of our lives, and they aren't even paying attention. I see the very ones that complain the most sit back and fuss, but not even bother to vote. So maybe the one you wanted didn't get elected... WHO CARES?? If you didn't take the time to go vote, what are you complaining about? You can't sit back and wait for someone else to do it! And you can't pretend that nothing is going on in the world, or that everything will be okay. You have to stay informed and make politicians accountable for their actions. These guys will slip anything by us that they can, and just hope that no one was looking when they did it.

Did anyone even notice that they attached the hate crimes bill onto a military spending bill? If you don't vote for it, you look like you're against our troops, but if you DO vote for it, you're passing legislation that may make it illegal for a pastor to stand in a pulpit and speak out against gay marriage. This very blog could probably be considered a hate crime. Who knows? How is it that a hate crimes bill can be attached to one about military spending? The two have nothing to do with one another, but yet, if you vote for one, you get both. There is no line-item veto in congress.

Where is MY generation? When are we going to speak up and get involved? My generation is strangely silent when it comes to the political arena. Is it because we are uninformed? Is it because we haven't taken the time to research and form our own opinions? Our parents are getting older, and it's time to start stepping up. Mommy and Daddy can't protect us anymore. We're ADULTS now, and we need to behave like it! We can't just watch the college age kids with no life experience make the call. We can't expect our parents who are retiring (or are already retired) to fix things. We can no longer stick our heads in the sand and pretend that nothing is going on!

Things that I have learned that I (unfortunately) have to teach my children

I have had a very uneasy feeling about my children lately. I think I've been watching too much TV, and it has made me nervous that something terrible will happen to them. I realize that logically, the odds of something awful (like an abduction) happening are not high, but still... I have decided that we live in a really awful world! I want to believe that people are good hearted, I really do, but I just can't any more. The longer I've lived, the more terrible things I've seen happen. The things that people do to each other aren't just cruel, they are depraved! And I can't seem to get away from it. Every time I turn on the news, I see more of it, and it is all so depressing. Between the murderers, terrorists, and child abusers, I don't know where to look. Chris has just stopped watching the news altogether, but I can't do it. I want to know what's going on in the world, and I need to be aware of everything happening, even the bad things, so that I can arm myself with the knowledge of how to protect my family. I just don't believe that there is nothing good happening. The earth is a big place, and no one can tell me that the only things going on are bad, but I once heard someone say (in referring to the news) "If it bleeds, it leads." Truer words have never been spoken! I guess that the ratings are so important, and no one wants to hear good news any more.


That being said, I have learned a few things over the years that I'm going to have to pass along to my children...unfortunately. What happened to the days of letting your child play outside with friends without having to worry about strangers? What happened to the days of letting your child go over to a friend's house to play without having to question what kind of home life the friend has, and if the parents are trustworthy? What happened to sending your child to school and trusting that the teacher isn't going to be having an inappropriate relationship with him (or her)? The days of innocence are long gone, and unfortunately, I have to go way beyond the days of "never talk to strangers." So here is my list of things that I have to be sure to teach my children in hopes of preventing something terrible from ever happening to them...


1. Always drive with the car doors locked. If the doors are locked, no one can open a door and get in the car with you, unless they break a window first. In any case, if they had to break a window, you would have a sufficient amount of time to drive away. Even if they have a gun, if you hit the gas, they won't be able to shoot you.


2. If anyone ever tries to carjack you, just let them have the car and GET AWAY as fast as you can. The car is not as important as your life, but hopefully, driving with the doors locked will help prevent this.


3. If you are staying in a hotel, lock EVERY lock there is on the door, ESPECIALLY the metal bar that keeps the door from opening more than three inches. That metal bar is the MOST important of them all because even a master key cannot open that. Should someone try to get in your room and that bar is flipped, if nothing else, you will have time to dial 911. (This one came courtesy of Jennifer Hampton, the girl that was abducted from the Days Inn on Lovell Road. One of the Days Inn employees, an illegal alien, had a master key to all of the rooms, and he used it on her door in the middle of the night. She was later found by a fisherman floating in the river.)

4. If we get should separated in the store, find a FEMALE store employee and ask for help. How do I explain to my eight year old why he can't ask a man for help???

5. If anyone ever tries to grab you and leave with you, yell "FIRE." People will respond to "fire," but not to "help" because they don't want to get involved.


6. When you arrive at your destination, have your purse and keys ready, get out of the car, and go directly inside. Don't linger outside or in the car. Also, don't park next to a van. (This one comes courtesy of my boss, who was abducted from the West Town Mall parking lot by two men who, by the way, had already abducted, raped, and left for dead, two other women in town. Fortunately for her, she jumped out of the car when they slowed down to make a turn, and she was able to get away. She later testified against them, and they were put away for a very long time. Wonder what would have happened if she hadn't gotten away??)


7. Always carry your cell phone with you, and have it powered on. If someone goes missing, authorities can often help pinpoint a location by the pings on a cell phone to the closest cell tower. (This comes from several sources: Kelsey Smith, who was abducted from a Target parking lot, and later murdered. Her body was located with the help of the last known location of her cell phone. This also comes from Elizabeth Shoaf, who was abducted and hidden, but was able to send her mother a text message, which ultimately led to her rescue and the arrest of her abductor.)


8. Wear your hair down, and keep your purse strap across your body. Women wearing ponytails are more susceptible to abduction because they criminal can grab her easily by the hair. This is the same for purses, which are more difficult to grab when the strap is cross-ways across the chest.

9. When leaving a building (office, store, whatever...) have your keys ready and go straight to the car. Don't fidget with your bags, or talk on a cell phone. Criminals take advantage of people that are distracted and unaware of their surroundings. (This one comes courtesy of Dru Sjodin. She was talking to her boyfriend on her cell phone when she was abducted out of the mall parking lot. Her body was found five months later, face down in a ditch. She had been raped, beaten and stabbed by a known sex offender that had recently gotten out of jail.)

I'm hoping that this list doesn't grow, but I'm afraid that it will. I don't know what I would do if something ever happened to one of my children. In an interview with Hallerin Hill last week, Gary Christian said that in his dreams, he can see his daughter crying out for him but he just didn't hear her. I can't imagine how that must feel, nor do I wish to. I can't imagine the thought of one of my children crying out for me, and not being able to help them. I know that I can't be with them all of the time, so I've decided that I'm going to have to arm them with knowledge so that I won't ever have to experience that first hand.

Reflecting (with no regrets)

I've been thinking lately about my life. I don't know why it's been so pressing on my mind. I think most of it is the awful trial that's been going on, and the graphic details of it that have been coming out. As a mother, it makes me want to scoop up my babies and never let them out of my sight. As a human being, it makes me want to apologize to the families of the victims for the horror that they have been through. At the same time, I want to exact some sort of revenge on their behalf. I wish that there was a way to terrorize and punish the killers in the same way that they terrorized Channon and Christopher. It has also made me think about my life and the blessings that God has so graciously given me.

I have the obvious - a wonderful husband, two beautiful and healthy children, a very loving extended family, a home, a job... But it has taken a lot to get here. When it comes to my marriage, I credit much of the success of it to a relationship that I had before I met my husband. When I was 15, my friend Kristie introduced me to a guy that I ended up dating off and on for over five years. John is a good guy, just not a good guy for me. I didn't know this at the time, but of course, my parents did (parents always know, don't they??). When we started dating, I was completely smitten with him. He was my first love. At the time, he seemed perfectly normal, and his family was great. BUT, that all changed about three years into the relationship. That was when his parents divorced. Don't get me wrong... things weren't all roses for the three years leading up to that, but the divorce was the final straw for him. Apparently (unbeknownst to me), his parents had had problems for years, but it finally boiled over into an affair and a nasty divorce, and I saw behavior out of them that I am still shocked about. I can't imagine anyone, no matter how much you may despise your ex, behaving that way in front of your children! But I've seen it over and over throughout the years... Anyway, when his parents split up, John went off the deep end. We were 19 at the time, so you would think that he would have handled it better because of his age. In hindsight, I think his age probably made it worse. Everything that he had ever known came crashing down in front of him, so I think he was entitled to a meltdown. But with this meltdown at home came the meltdown of our relationship. By the time the divorce was final, we had been dating for nearly five years, and all of my friends were getting engaged and married. We had been together for so long, and it seemed like the natural progression of things. We had gotten engaged some months before, and the date was set. That date was rapidly approaching, but there wasn't a whole lot of planning going on. I did the things that my mother made me do, but I guess without realizing it, I knew that this just wasn't going to happen. Then one day, he showed up at my door with a trash bag full of clothes. His dad had kicked him out of the house, and he had nowhere else to go. What was I supposed to do? This was my fiancee... After three days of him sitting there doing nothing but playing video games while I was at work, he went back home (I guess his dad didn't have to heart to put him out for real), and never even bothered to call me to tell me that he wasn't coming back to our apartment. After a couple of days of this, I called him, furious. I demanded that he tell me whether the wedding was on or not (at this point, it was two months away-and I think I knew his answer before I even asked). He called it off, which really didn't surprise me. BUT, I guess he still wanted to hang on to me for whatever reason, so he still wanted to keep dating and be engaged.

I don't know what happened at that moment. It's like something suddenly snapped. I told him that he needed to come and get his crap, and GET OUT! He showed up five minutes later (he must have flown!). He was there for about an hour, crying and begging me to stay with him. I cried a little too, but not as much as you would think. The craziest thing was that I wasn't upset that my fiancee and I were breaking up, but that I felt like I was abandoning him when he needed me. I felt guilty!! I suppose that I was over this relationship long before I ever realized it, and I'm just glad that God gave me a swift kick in the teeth before I actually walked down the aisle with the guy!! But as always, He has a master plan. Three weeks later, enter Chris. Two months after that, he bought my engagement ring. Three months after that, we got engaged, and nine months after that, we were married. So in the period of a little over a year, my entire life changed course. Eleven years later, here we are! I'm go glad that God is in charge! I shudder every time I stop to think what my life would have been like if I had married John...

That being said, I wouldn't change a THING about any of it! John and I basically grew up together. I'm not proud of some of the things that I said and did while we were dating, BUT it taught me more than I could ever believe. I learned how to be in a relationship, and how to let go. I learned what behavior was acceptable, and how to pick my battles. Because of this time in my life, when Chris came on the scene, I was ready. I was ready, and I appreciated him. AND with the fast track of our relationship, my parents didn't even flinch! (Did I mention that when I called my mom to tell her that John and I wouldn't be getting married, her exact words were "Your father will be so relieved...") Mom and Dad LOVE Chris, and they always have. The other thing I should have done...listened to my parents...

As I said, there are things that I've said and done that I'm not proud of (haven't we all?), but I would never change a thing about my life. I've been very blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Yes, there are things that I wish I could have done better. I wish that I hadn't rushed to judgement about certain people, and I wish that I hadn't listened to so many opinions of others. I wish that I had realized who my true friends were, and who could have been a true friend long before they actually became one. I'm happy for the friends that I've made over the years, and the friends that I've kept over the years, but I wish I got to spend more time with them. I'm glad that I finally finished school, but I wish that I hadn't waited so long to do it. All of that being said, I'm glad for the way things have turned out. If I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I guess if I had to have one thing in my life that I regret, it would be that I didn't know then what I know now. I think we ALL wish for that...

Road rage is a bad thing

Okay, I'll admit it. I have road rage. I'm a fairly patient, laid-back person about most things, but NOT when I'm driving. If you've ever seen the movie Office Space, in the opening scene where he's going to work and being passed by a man with a walker, that would be me. I can't stand traffic jams, slow drivers, stupid drivers, really old drivers, really young drivers, drivers ed students, traffic light cameras, or road construction projects. Oh yeah, I said it! And since that eliminates pretty much everyone, I guess that means that I shouldn't drive at all!

Living here in Knoxville, we live in the road construction capital of the world. NOT kidding! I went on vacation one summer, and was talking to the server where we had stopped for lunch. She asked me where we were from, and when I told her Knoxville, she actually said, "Oh I've been through there, but I hated it because of all of the road work going on. It's like that every time I go through there." Oh yes, we are known across the Unites States, not for our beautiful state, friendly people, or national parks, but for the road construction. I swear, I see orange and white construction barrels in my sleep! I can say all of this because I have lived here for my entire life. I have never moved away, so I am well aware of how often there is road work going on. In fact, the only time that I can ever remember there NOT being a road project going on was during the World's Fair - and that was in 1982. For those of you with no math skills, that was 27 YEARS ago!! One thing that I've never been able to figure out is why they don't bother to finish one project before they start twelve more. If I were in charge, the guys would be working at night instead of during the day, a project would be complete before another one commences, and there would be ridiculous fines for taking longer than the allotted time to complete the job. But of course, I'm not the one in charge...

Recently, we've had the strangest weather. I can't remember a summer when it rained as much as it has this year. The biggest reason that I have noticed this is because all of these horrific storms hit right at either 7:30 am, or 4:55 pm, right at rush hour! If I thought people couldn't drive before, they REALLY can't drive when it's raining outside!! It's just water people!! Slow down a little (but you don't have to drive 3 miles per hour), turn on your headlights, and don't drive through deep puddles. That should be enough said...

Now in case you didn't know it, in the great state of Tennessee, you can turn right on red. That means that after stopping, it really is okay to turn right. If a car is coming six miles down the road, is really isn't necessary to wait until they pass before turning. I can also promise you that the other driver will not be giving you an engraved invitation to turn either, so please, JUST TURN ALREADY! And another thing, turn lanes are there for a reason. USE THEM!! If you have a turn lane, there is no reason whatsoever for you to slow down in the middle of the road to execute your turn!

If you're driving in the left-hand lane through town, you need to be going at least 45-50 miles per hour, no less. If you aren't, you need to be in the right-hand lane. If you are on the interstate and you are in the left-hand lane, you had better be going at least 70 miles per hour, or you need to move over and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

If your car is like mine, with no power whatsoever, don't pull out in front of someone driving 50 miles per hour. You WILL get run over! This should come as no surprise to anyone. I'm well aware of how long it takes for my car to get going, and you should be too. I'm just saying...

If you are getting on the interstate, that little ramp is called the acceleration ramp. It is designed to get you up to the speed of interstate traffic so that when you merge, you don't get run over by a semi. In case you missed it, to accelerate means to SPEED UP! That would be the pedal on the right...

Recently, the government in Knoxville starting having traffic light cameras installed at intersections around town. If you haven't seen one of these, don't worry. One of them WILL take your picture (in full color, no less) before you know it! Did I mention that I was the lucky recipient of one of those tickets? Oh yes, I got a $50 ticket in the mail for running a red light, complete with a color picture of my car, front and back, and a close up shot of my license plate. Great, right? Oh, but the other thing is that these cameras aren't even property of the Knox County government! They are owned by the company that installs them. So when you get a $50 ticket, $25 goes to the camera company, and the other $25 goes to Knox County as free money (and it doesn't even go on your driving record because the government isn't running the program). I've also heard rumor that there are now live video cameras that will catch you on moving video turning right on red without coming to a complete stop first. I'm sure I'll be getting one of those tickets in the mail soon! I guess the $60 that we've been paying for a STICKER to put on our license plates just wasn't enough money for them... Oh, about that sticker... Once I didn't get my little notice in the mail to renew mine (I mean really, how often do you walk around to the back of the car to make sure your tags are current??), and I got pulled over by a twelve year old cop, who proceeded to write me a $180 ticket for expired tags. And THEN he had the nerve to tell me to have a nice day...

Now I've been really good for all of these years. I'll admit that I yell at other drivers, but I'm proud to say that I've never cussed in front of my child. One morning while was sitting at the intersection of Concord and Northshore (before they installed the traffic circle, but that's another story...), I was waiting to turn left so that I could take Forrest to daycare. There was a car in front of me, also waiting to turn left. It being rush hour, there was quite a bit of traffic, so the other driver couldn't turn just yet. From the back seat, my three year old son pipes up "GO GO GO!!!" That was the low point...

The clean freak in me

I don't where it's come from, but I have turned into a complete clean freak. It's the most bizarre occurrence, seeing as how when I was a kid, I was the biggest SLOB!!! (If you don't believe me, ask my mother, or my friend Kristie who was a permanent fixture at my house in the early years...) When I lived with my parents, my room was so messy that you couldn't even see the floor. My clothes were EVERYWHERE! I have no idea how I could tell the difference between what was clean and what was dirty. Every day, my clothes were completely wrinkled and rumpled because I hate to iron. Mixed in with the clothes were game pieces, Little People, Smurfs, Barbie clothes, and who knows what else. Don't get me wrong - it's not like my mother ever cleaned my room for me. Occasionally she would have a meltdown and threaten my life if I didn't clean it up. The worst times were when she wouldn't let me go outside or watch TV until it was clean (and once, she even grounded me from the phone during a snowstorm when we had no power and nothing else to do but talk on the phone! The horror!!) But when I moved out of the house, something strange happened... All of the sudden, I turned into a clean freak.

I'm STILL not sure how this happened! My first apartment was a garage apartment, and I tend to believe that I was such a neat freak because it wasn't exactly well insulated and there were bugs... BIG bugs! I think I was afraid that if I didn't keep it spotless, the bugs would multiply even more than they already were, and that situation was bad enough as it was. After I moved out of that apartment, I moved into a two bedroom apartment with three other people. That was an experience in and of itself! My very first purchase for that apartment was a vacuum cleaner! At one point, two of my roommates went to Texas to visit family, and I was basically home alone for three glorious weeks (our other roommate was never there). After that, I decided that it was time to move into an apartment on my own. I was tired of fighting a losing battle trying to keep the house clean with three other people living there.

My next apartment was all mine! If I wanted to be messy, I could be messy. If I wanted it spotless, it was spotless. I LOVED it! I don't know if my whole mindset changed when I moved from my parents house. Maybe I just figured that if the house was going to be clean, it was going to have to be me cleaning it. Again, not that my mom ever cleaned my room for me... In fact, our house was pretty much a wreck all of the time growing up... But I digress...

I don't know when I developed a love for organization, cleanliness, and lack of clutter. All I know is that it has hit me hard. I can't stand to have things piled up on the furniture. I don't like knick-knacks because I want a nice, clean, uncluttered surface that is easy to dust. I LOVE the smell of bleach (yes, I know that's really strange) and cleaning supplies like Clorox Clean-up and Lysol. When I clean the house, I clean the house! I want all of the laundry done, the dishes done, the bathrooms immaculate, the floors clean, and NO ONE had better mess them up! This is very difficult when you live with other people! I just figure that if I'm going to spend half of the day on Saturday (which is my day off) cleaning the house, it shouldn't be too much to ask that it stay that way for at least 24 hours!

Cleaning also brings out the Goodwill beast in me. Chris gets irritated with me over this. He accuses me of being the typical woman who gets rid of everything. (Apparently his mother is a lot like this too...) He doesn't understand why you would spend your hard earned money on something, and then just give it away. He does have a valid point, however the fact that he had a salmon pink colored paisley shirt in the closet (now that was the picture of high fashion) that he couldn't possibly have worn/fit into since at least 10th grade does not bode well for his argument. Note I said had... Oh where, oh where did that shirt disappear to?? HMMM... I'll never tell! Not that he's noticed it missing... It's very difficult to be a clean freak and be married to a pack rat.

So this past weekend, the purge began. Emma is almost 9 months old now, which I hate, but it does mean that she is outgrowing things at an alarming rate. Last week, I sold her swing to the daycare. This weekend, I washed her old carseat, and gathered up the carseat bases, a bunch of her old clothes, the infant travel bed, the bug mobile, the bassinet and the baby bathtub and got everything ready to give to a friend that is having a baby in January. THEN I packed up a bunch of other clothes to give to the Goodwill, which amounted to two large trash bags full of stuff! I think I'm going to tackle our closet next, and then onward to the garage. What can I say? Some people have the gift of service, or the gift of leadership. I ORGANIZE!!

a whole generation of bad parents

After the incident with the neighborhood boy, Chris and I had a long talk about kids and their behavior (this is making me think of old folks sitting around and griping about "the kids these days"). He said something that really bugged me. He said that it was our generation that's causing all of this. He was talking about how our parents didn't raise us this way, but yet, we're now parents of poorly behaved children who either don't care what we think, or we aren't teaching the difference between right and wrong. Our parents got married and stayed that way. Marriage was important, and it wasn't a commitment to be taken lightly. The thought that you could just walk away from it was never there. Our parents weren't afraid to discipline us either. If we were out of line, going to bed without a meal, or a spanking with a switch was never out of the question-it was understood. Manners were important, and being considerate of other people was expected. Now, a parent is ostracized for spanking, and it is altogether too common for a child to be living with a third version of a step-parent, and having half-sisters and brothers in four different households. What has happened here?? If our parents didn't raise us this way, where is all of this coming from? Why is our generation so self-centered, and completely falling apart??

I've seen a lot of this since Forrest started school. He was in daycare, but school was really the first place that I saw this happening. For starters, three years of daycare had NOTHING on one week of Kindergarten. He came home with a terrible attitude! All of the sudden, he was talking back to me, telling me no, and refusing to do anything that I asked of him. He also popped out a few curse words here and there, which I KNOW he didn't learn at home. I realize that he didn't know that he was saying anything bad because he would openly say them in front of me, but the minute I asked him where he heard that, he clammed up and said he couldn't remember. Then I found myself explaining to a five year old what some of those words mean. I was NOT prepared for that!

The worst thing that I have seen to date also occured while Forrest was in Kindergarten. There was the sweetest little girl in his class that year. I went to eat lunch with him one day, and she just latched on to me. She even held my hand as I walked them back to the classroom (which made Forrest a little jealous since I'm his mom)! I was working on a scrapbook project as a gift for the teacher, which required some assistance from the parents, most of whom were completely unresponsive. The day before I was to finish it, I got a call from the little girl's grandmother. She had found out about the scrapbook and was mad at her son for not helping out. She agreed to send me the photos that I needed of her granddaughter. While we were on the phone, I was telling her how sweet her granddaughter was, and how I just fell in love with her that day at school. Turns out that the little girl's parents are divorced, and her dad has custody of both her and her older sister (which makes you wonder how bad the mom is, when her ex-husband gets full custody of the girls). I think she was so taken by me because her mom was nowhere to be found. I mentioned that we would like to take her granddaughter with us to the aquarium sometime. Forrest was always wanting to bring a friend along, and I thought that might be fun.
Not long after the scrapbook project, we called them up and invited her along to the aquarium. Our season passes are for the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga, which is not exactly right around the corner! Her dad agreed to let us take her, so we picked her up at 9:00 on a Saturday morning. We were going to have her all day, until about 9:00 Saturday night. Keep in mind that when we picked her up, this was the first time that her dad had ever laid eyes on us.
We had a great day at the aquarium, but later in the evening, she started talking about spending the night with us. Now this was not in the plans, and we just told her that we might try to do that another time. While we were eating dinner, I asked her if she would like to call her dad (since he hadn't bothered to call and check on her all day...). She talked with him for a few minutes, and then asked if she could spend the night. I wasn't exactly prepared for her to do that, but I should have known better. The craziest part of the whole thing was that her dad AGREED to let her spend the night!! He had seen us for about two minutes when we picked her up that morning, and that was it! He didn't know anything about us, aside from Chris' cell phone number-not even where we live! He has just given us his five year old daughter for the last twelve hours, and is willing to let her spend the night at our house, and he doesn't even know us!! Again, we could have been pedophiles for all he knows! I am STILL horrified over this!

This really is our generation completely failing our children. I don't know how else to say it. I can't imagine dropping your child off with people that you don't even know, and leaving them all day, and never even calling to check on them. I have a hard time leaving Forrest outside, in front of our house, on our street, playing with his friends, when I can't be outside with him. I worry all of the time! There are so many really sick people out there, and a lot of them intend to harm children. I don't know if society is causing this influx of depraved individuals that will kidnap, rape and torture a child, but as a parent, it's my job to protect my children. I know that when I was a child, the world was a different place. We didn't have to worry about abduction, pedophiles, or child pornography. I was free to go to my neighbor's house and play all afternoon without my parents having to be there to make sure that nothing happened to me. I don't like having to explain to my son, who isn't even eight yet, that he can never talk to strangers, and that if we get separated in the store that he needs to go directly to a female store employee to find me. I don't like having to explain why he needs to find a female when that happens, nor do I know how to explain that. I hate that I can't let my son enjoy his childhood the same carefree way that I did.

Regardless, as a parent, it's my job to do these things! I don't enjoy having to do them, but it is a responsibility that I gladly accepted when I decided to become a mom. I have often said that becoming a parent should be the MOST selfish decision that you ever make. If you can't give up all of your "me time," the extra money, the freedom of being an individual, then you don't need to have children. Once a baby is born, it's no longer about you. I think so many of the members of my generation have forgotten that.

A bad mom weekend

Okay, so I know I'm not perfect. I know that there will be days when I'm not even going to be close. I try to be the best at everything that I do, especially at being a mom. But there are just some days that go awry, and Saturday was one of those days...

So Forrest has this new friend. He's a sweet kid, same age as Forrest, and they go to the same school. He even goes to after school care with him. Funny thing is, he's lived in our neighborhood for five years, and until Saturday, I've never laid eyes on him. Now Chris says that he's seen him around in recent weeks (I guess I just wasn't paying attention), but that's still just been very recent, and he's been there for FIVE YEARS?? So anyway, I guess that he and Forrest are new best friends. This is good because Forrest hasn't really meshed with most of the kids on our street. With the exception of one, they are all older than he is, and they just aren't interested in playing with someone younger than they are.

So this boy shows up on Saturday morning and wants to know if Forrest can come outside to play. It was about 10:30 am, and Saturdays are the days that I have to do my chores. I do my best to keep up with things during the week, but since I work full time, the house cleaning and a lot of laundry end up waiting until the weekend. I told Forrest that he could go outside if he wanted to, but just stay close to the house. I don't like him going out when I can't be outside with him (there are WAY too many crazy people out there!), but I just had to keep working and go out from time to time to check on him. Chris was at work, so I was on my own.

Well Emma is teething, and she has got a serious case of separation anxiety going on right now, so needless to say, she was foul. So here I am, trying to clean the house, and do mounds and mounds of laundry, all with a cranky baby who refuses to be put down, so I'm working with one hand. And then, the front door opens for the first of many, many times. In comes Forrest AND his friend, door slamming behind them. Up the stairs to Forrest's room, down the stairs, into the garage, back out the front door - slam. Deep cleansing breath...

So it's time for Emma to eat, and I'm in the kitchen feeding her apricots with cereal, when I see Forrest running through the backyard. Then I hear the front door open (again) - slam. A little odd, but I don't hear anything. Then the front door opens (again) - slam. Then I see Forrest running through the backyard again. Then the front door opens (again) - slam. So the patience is just about gone, and I call out "Forrest?" I'm about to read him the riot act about running in and out when his friend comes around the corner alone. He tells me that Forrest is outside (I guess in the backyard still??), and he wants to know where the door to the garage is because he needs to get something. So I ask what he wants, and I tell him that I will get it for him, but that he needs to go back outside. So he goes back outside - slam - and I go into the garage and get him the pogo stick that he asked for. At this point, I think I'm having an out of body experience...

I'll divert my attention to another topic here for a sec, so bear with me. It has relevance on what I'm writing here... When I was a child, I was never never allowed to go into someone else's yard without their permission (OR my parents), let alone INSIDE their house. Even if I kicked a ball into their yard, I didn't dare retrieve it unless I knocked on their door to let them know I needed to go into their yard to get it. I didn't play with someone else's toys without their permission, and if they allowed me to play with their toys, I was very were careful so as not to break them. And when I was finished, I returned them. What has happened to this???

So a few minutes later, I go outside to check on Forrest, and a strange car pulls up. I stayed put, making sure that the kids were all okay. It turns out to be the boy's mother, who has come to pick him up. Apparently, her car was in the shop and it was ready, so she was going to get it. Well her son didn't want to go with her, so she got out to ask me if she could leave him with me while she went to get it. I told her that would be fine (but I'm completely horrified as to the fact that this is the first time she's met me, and she's perfectly okay with leaving her kid with me, albeit for twenty minutes or so...I could be a pedophile for all she knows!). So now it's about 11:30, and it's lunch time. So I go outside and ask the boys if I can fix them some lunch, and they agree. When it's ready, they came inside - slam - to eat. At this point, Emma is down for her nap, and I'm going 90 mph trying to get as much done (with BOTH hands) that I can while she's sleeping. So they eat lunch, and afterwards decide to play Wii. That lasted all of two minutes, and then headed upstairs (again) to Forrest's room. I'm seriously on the verge of a complete meltdown at this point. I tell them they need to stay downstairs because Emma is sleeping, and they HAD BETTER NOT WAKE HER UP (this was said through tightly clenched teeth)!!!! I suggested that they go back outside and play, which they did... for about two minutes. And then, they came back in - slam - with ANOTHER child.

So I send them back outside, but not until Forrest has called his dad at work twelve times about various things, and the meltdown is coming ever closer. I told Chris that I was about to lose it, and he talked to Forrest and told him that I had things I needed to do, and that he and his friends needed to play outside. After all, it was only 80 degrees, and the humidity was very low. It was a beautiful day! Again, that lasted about two minutes before they're back inside - slam - because they need a drink (they were hot...). This went on and on and on, until they came back in - slam - with another friend, and that was IT!! I finally had a meltdown and sent them all packing, but not before I told Forrest that if he came inside one more time, he would be grounded for the rest of the weekend. That finally got through.

After a whole afternoon and six loads of laundry, I finally got the house clean (but not as well as I would have liked), and Forrest was no longer banished from the kingdom, but it took me all day. Fast forward to 8:00 that evening, and the boy is still outside (where is his mom??) when we get home from dinner. He decided to go home at about 9:30 when it was dark, and his mom called looking for him.

Now I'm trying to be a good mom. I'm not always the best at it, but I'm trying. I want Forrest to have friends, and I want him to be able to bring them inside to play. Unfortunately our house is just not conducive to that. We don't have a basement or a bonus room for them to play, and his bedroom is absolutely tiny. Also unfortunate is the fact that Forrest doesn't pick up his toys (which is MY fault for not enforcing that). But because he doesn't pick up after himself, I know that when his friends are over, everything that comes out will be cleaned up...by ME! Not a good thing when I'm already busting it to get the house clean as it is. I just wish that it didn't take a complete meltdown for me to get my point across. That was not a proud mom moment for me.

On Sunday, as soon as we got home from church, the boy was back for the day, and the whole process started over - slam. And that evening, Emma rolled off the bed. Now, my bad mom weekend was complete...