Okay, I'll admit it. I have road rage. I'm a fairly patient, laid-back person about most things, but NOT when I'm driving. If you've ever seen the movie Office Space, in the opening scene where he's going to work and being passed by a man with a walker, that would be me. I can't stand traffic jams, slow drivers, stupid drivers, really old drivers, really young drivers, drivers ed students, traffic light cameras, or road construction projects. Oh yeah, I said it! And since that eliminates pretty much everyone, I guess that means that I shouldn't drive at all!
Living here in Knoxville, we live in the road construction capital of the world. NOT kidding! I went on vacation one summer, and was talking to the server where we had stopped for lunch. She asked me where we were from, and when I told her Knoxville, she actually said, "Oh I've been through there, but I hated it because of all of the road work going on. It's like that every time I go through there." Oh yes, we are known across the Unites States, not for our beautiful state, friendly people, or national parks, but for the road construction. I swear, I see orange and white construction barrels in my sleep! I can say all of this because I have lived here for my entire life. I have never moved away, so I am well aware of how often there is road work going on. In fact, the only time that I can ever remember there NOT being a road project going on was during the World's Fair - and that was in 1982. For those of you with no math skills, that was 27 YEARS ago!! One thing that I've never been able to figure out is why they don't bother to finish one project before they start twelve more. If I were in charge, the guys would be working at night instead of during the day, a project would be complete before another one commences, and there would be ridiculous fines for taking longer than the allotted time to complete the job. But of course, I'm not the one in charge...
Recently, we've had the strangest weather. I can't remember a summer when it rained as much as it has this year. The biggest reason that I have noticed this is because all of these horrific storms hit right at either 7:30 am, or 4:55 pm, right at rush hour! If I thought people couldn't drive before, they REALLY can't drive when it's raining outside!! It's just water people!! Slow down a little (but you don't have to drive 3 miles per hour), turn on your headlights, and don't drive through deep puddles. That should be enough said...
Now in case you didn't know it, in the great state of Tennessee, you can turn right on red. That means that after stopping, it really is okay to turn right. If a car is coming six miles down the road, is really isn't necessary to wait until they pass before turning. I can also promise you that the other driver will not be giving you an engraved invitation to turn either, so please, JUST TURN ALREADY! And another thing, turn lanes are there for a reason. USE THEM!! If you have a turn lane, there is no reason whatsoever for you to slow down in the middle of the road to execute your turn!
If you're driving in the left-hand lane through town, you need to be going at least 45-50 miles per hour, no less. If you aren't, you need to be in the right-hand lane. If you are on the interstate and you are in the left-hand lane, you had better be going at least 70 miles per hour, or you need to move over and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!
If your car is like mine, with no power whatsoever, don't pull out in front of someone driving 50 miles per hour. You WILL get run over! This should come as no surprise to anyone. I'm well aware of how long it takes for my car to get going, and you should be too. I'm just saying...
If you are getting on the interstate, that little ramp is called the acceleration ramp. It is designed to get you up to the speed of interstate traffic so that when you merge, you don't get run over by a semi. In case you missed it, to accelerate means to SPEED UP! That would be the pedal on the right...
Recently, the government in Knoxville starting having traffic light cameras installed at intersections around town. If you haven't seen one of these, don't worry. One of them WILL take your picture (in full color, no less) before you know it! Did I mention that I was the lucky recipient of one of those tickets? Oh yes, I got a $50 ticket in the mail for running a red light, complete with a color picture of my car, front and back, and a close up shot of my license plate. Great, right? Oh, but the other thing is that these cameras aren't even property of the Knox County government! They are owned by the company that installs them. So when you get a $50 ticket, $25 goes to the camera company, and the other $25 goes to Knox County as free money (and it doesn't even go on your driving record because the government isn't running the program). I've also heard rumor that there are now live video cameras that will catch you on moving video turning right on red without coming to a complete stop first. I'm sure I'll be getting one of those tickets in the mail soon! I guess the $60 that we've been paying for a STICKER to put on our license plates just wasn't enough money for them... Oh, about that sticker... Once I didn't get my little notice in the mail to renew mine (I mean really, how often do you walk around to the back of the car to make sure your tags are current??), and I got pulled over by a twelve year old cop, who proceeded to write me a $180 ticket for expired tags. And THEN he had the nerve to tell me to have a nice day...
Now I've been really good for all of these years. I'll admit that I yell at other drivers, but I'm proud to say that I've never cussed in front of my child. One morning while was sitting at the intersection of Concord and Northshore (before they installed the traffic circle, but that's another story...), I was waiting to turn left so that I could take Forrest to daycare. There was a car in front of me, also waiting to turn left. It being rush hour, there was quite a bit of traffic, so the other driver couldn't turn just yet. From the back seat, my three year old son pipes up "GO GO GO!!!" That was the low point...
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