Things that I have learned that I (unfortunately) have to teach my children

I have had a very uneasy feeling about my children lately. I think I've been watching too much TV, and it has made me nervous that something terrible will happen to them. I realize that logically, the odds of something awful (like an abduction) happening are not high, but still... I have decided that we live in a really awful world! I want to believe that people are good hearted, I really do, but I just can't any more. The longer I've lived, the more terrible things I've seen happen. The things that people do to each other aren't just cruel, they are depraved! And I can't seem to get away from it. Every time I turn on the news, I see more of it, and it is all so depressing. Between the murderers, terrorists, and child abusers, I don't know where to look. Chris has just stopped watching the news altogether, but I can't do it. I want to know what's going on in the world, and I need to be aware of everything happening, even the bad things, so that I can arm myself with the knowledge of how to protect my family. I just don't believe that there is nothing good happening. The earth is a big place, and no one can tell me that the only things going on are bad, but I once heard someone say (in referring to the news) "If it bleeds, it leads." Truer words have never been spoken! I guess that the ratings are so important, and no one wants to hear good news any more.


That being said, I have learned a few things over the years that I'm going to have to pass along to my children...unfortunately. What happened to the days of letting your child play outside with friends without having to worry about strangers? What happened to the days of letting your child go over to a friend's house to play without having to question what kind of home life the friend has, and if the parents are trustworthy? What happened to sending your child to school and trusting that the teacher isn't going to be having an inappropriate relationship with him (or her)? The days of innocence are long gone, and unfortunately, I have to go way beyond the days of "never talk to strangers." So here is my list of things that I have to be sure to teach my children in hopes of preventing something terrible from ever happening to them...


1. Always drive with the car doors locked. If the doors are locked, no one can open a door and get in the car with you, unless they break a window first. In any case, if they had to break a window, you would have a sufficient amount of time to drive away. Even if they have a gun, if you hit the gas, they won't be able to shoot you.


2. If anyone ever tries to carjack you, just let them have the car and GET AWAY as fast as you can. The car is not as important as your life, but hopefully, driving with the doors locked will help prevent this.


3. If you are staying in a hotel, lock EVERY lock there is on the door, ESPECIALLY the metal bar that keeps the door from opening more than three inches. That metal bar is the MOST important of them all because even a master key cannot open that. Should someone try to get in your room and that bar is flipped, if nothing else, you will have time to dial 911. (This one came courtesy of Jennifer Hampton, the girl that was abducted from the Days Inn on Lovell Road. One of the Days Inn employees, an illegal alien, had a master key to all of the rooms, and he used it on her door in the middle of the night. She was later found by a fisherman floating in the river.)

4. If we get should separated in the store, find a FEMALE store employee and ask for help. How do I explain to my eight year old why he can't ask a man for help???

5. If anyone ever tries to grab you and leave with you, yell "FIRE." People will respond to "fire," but not to "help" because they don't want to get involved.


6. When you arrive at your destination, have your purse and keys ready, get out of the car, and go directly inside. Don't linger outside or in the car. Also, don't park next to a van. (This one comes courtesy of my boss, who was abducted from the West Town Mall parking lot by two men who, by the way, had already abducted, raped, and left for dead, two other women in town. Fortunately for her, she jumped out of the car when they slowed down to make a turn, and she was able to get away. She later testified against them, and they were put away for a very long time. Wonder what would have happened if she hadn't gotten away??)


7. Always carry your cell phone with you, and have it powered on. If someone goes missing, authorities can often help pinpoint a location by the pings on a cell phone to the closest cell tower. (This comes from several sources: Kelsey Smith, who was abducted from a Target parking lot, and later murdered. Her body was located with the help of the last known location of her cell phone. This also comes from Elizabeth Shoaf, who was abducted and hidden, but was able to send her mother a text message, which ultimately led to her rescue and the arrest of her abductor.)


8. Wear your hair down, and keep your purse strap across your body. Women wearing ponytails are more susceptible to abduction because they criminal can grab her easily by the hair. This is the same for purses, which are more difficult to grab when the strap is cross-ways across the chest.

9. When leaving a building (office, store, whatever...) have your keys ready and go straight to the car. Don't fidget with your bags, or talk on a cell phone. Criminals take advantage of people that are distracted and unaware of their surroundings. (This one comes courtesy of Dru Sjodin. She was talking to her boyfriend on her cell phone when she was abducted out of the mall parking lot. Her body was found five months later, face down in a ditch. She had been raped, beaten and stabbed by a known sex offender that had recently gotten out of jail.)

I'm hoping that this list doesn't grow, but I'm afraid that it will. I don't know what I would do if something ever happened to one of my children. In an interview with Hallerin Hill last week, Gary Christian said that in his dreams, he can see his daughter crying out for him but he just didn't hear her. I can't imagine how that must feel, nor do I wish to. I can't imagine the thought of one of my children crying out for me, and not being able to help them. I know that I can't be with them all of the time, so I've decided that I'm going to have to arm them with knowledge so that I won't ever have to experience that first hand.

Reflecting (with no regrets)

I've been thinking lately about my life. I don't know why it's been so pressing on my mind. I think most of it is the awful trial that's been going on, and the graphic details of it that have been coming out. As a mother, it makes me want to scoop up my babies and never let them out of my sight. As a human being, it makes me want to apologize to the families of the victims for the horror that they have been through. At the same time, I want to exact some sort of revenge on their behalf. I wish that there was a way to terrorize and punish the killers in the same way that they terrorized Channon and Christopher. It has also made me think about my life and the blessings that God has so graciously given me.

I have the obvious - a wonderful husband, two beautiful and healthy children, a very loving extended family, a home, a job... But it has taken a lot to get here. When it comes to my marriage, I credit much of the success of it to a relationship that I had before I met my husband. When I was 15, my friend Kristie introduced me to a guy that I ended up dating off and on for over five years. John is a good guy, just not a good guy for me. I didn't know this at the time, but of course, my parents did (parents always know, don't they??). When we started dating, I was completely smitten with him. He was my first love. At the time, he seemed perfectly normal, and his family was great. BUT, that all changed about three years into the relationship. That was when his parents divorced. Don't get me wrong... things weren't all roses for the three years leading up to that, but the divorce was the final straw for him. Apparently (unbeknownst to me), his parents had had problems for years, but it finally boiled over into an affair and a nasty divorce, and I saw behavior out of them that I am still shocked about. I can't imagine anyone, no matter how much you may despise your ex, behaving that way in front of your children! But I've seen it over and over throughout the years... Anyway, when his parents split up, John went off the deep end. We were 19 at the time, so you would think that he would have handled it better because of his age. In hindsight, I think his age probably made it worse. Everything that he had ever known came crashing down in front of him, so I think he was entitled to a meltdown. But with this meltdown at home came the meltdown of our relationship. By the time the divorce was final, we had been dating for nearly five years, and all of my friends were getting engaged and married. We had been together for so long, and it seemed like the natural progression of things. We had gotten engaged some months before, and the date was set. That date was rapidly approaching, but there wasn't a whole lot of planning going on. I did the things that my mother made me do, but I guess without realizing it, I knew that this just wasn't going to happen. Then one day, he showed up at my door with a trash bag full of clothes. His dad had kicked him out of the house, and he had nowhere else to go. What was I supposed to do? This was my fiancee... After three days of him sitting there doing nothing but playing video games while I was at work, he went back home (I guess his dad didn't have to heart to put him out for real), and never even bothered to call me to tell me that he wasn't coming back to our apartment. After a couple of days of this, I called him, furious. I demanded that he tell me whether the wedding was on or not (at this point, it was two months away-and I think I knew his answer before I even asked). He called it off, which really didn't surprise me. BUT, I guess he still wanted to hang on to me for whatever reason, so he still wanted to keep dating and be engaged.

I don't know what happened at that moment. It's like something suddenly snapped. I told him that he needed to come and get his crap, and GET OUT! He showed up five minutes later (he must have flown!). He was there for about an hour, crying and begging me to stay with him. I cried a little too, but not as much as you would think. The craziest thing was that I wasn't upset that my fiancee and I were breaking up, but that I felt like I was abandoning him when he needed me. I felt guilty!! I suppose that I was over this relationship long before I ever realized it, and I'm just glad that God gave me a swift kick in the teeth before I actually walked down the aisle with the guy!! But as always, He has a master plan. Three weeks later, enter Chris. Two months after that, he bought my engagement ring. Three months after that, we got engaged, and nine months after that, we were married. So in the period of a little over a year, my entire life changed course. Eleven years later, here we are! I'm go glad that God is in charge! I shudder every time I stop to think what my life would have been like if I had married John...

That being said, I wouldn't change a THING about any of it! John and I basically grew up together. I'm not proud of some of the things that I said and did while we were dating, BUT it taught me more than I could ever believe. I learned how to be in a relationship, and how to let go. I learned what behavior was acceptable, and how to pick my battles. Because of this time in my life, when Chris came on the scene, I was ready. I was ready, and I appreciated him. AND with the fast track of our relationship, my parents didn't even flinch! (Did I mention that when I called my mom to tell her that John and I wouldn't be getting married, her exact words were "Your father will be so relieved...") Mom and Dad LOVE Chris, and they always have. The other thing I should have done...listened to my parents...

As I said, there are things that I've said and done that I'm not proud of (haven't we all?), but I would never change a thing about my life. I've been very blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Yes, there are things that I wish I could have done better. I wish that I hadn't rushed to judgement about certain people, and I wish that I hadn't listened to so many opinions of others. I wish that I had realized who my true friends were, and who could have been a true friend long before they actually became one. I'm happy for the friends that I've made over the years, and the friends that I've kept over the years, but I wish I got to spend more time with them. I'm glad that I finally finished school, but I wish that I hadn't waited so long to do it. All of that being said, I'm glad for the way things have turned out. If I had done things differently, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I guess if I had to have one thing in my life that I regret, it would be that I didn't know then what I know now. I think we ALL wish for that...

Road rage is a bad thing

Okay, I'll admit it. I have road rage. I'm a fairly patient, laid-back person about most things, but NOT when I'm driving. If you've ever seen the movie Office Space, in the opening scene where he's going to work and being passed by a man with a walker, that would be me. I can't stand traffic jams, slow drivers, stupid drivers, really old drivers, really young drivers, drivers ed students, traffic light cameras, or road construction projects. Oh yeah, I said it! And since that eliminates pretty much everyone, I guess that means that I shouldn't drive at all!

Living here in Knoxville, we live in the road construction capital of the world. NOT kidding! I went on vacation one summer, and was talking to the server where we had stopped for lunch. She asked me where we were from, and when I told her Knoxville, she actually said, "Oh I've been through there, but I hated it because of all of the road work going on. It's like that every time I go through there." Oh yes, we are known across the Unites States, not for our beautiful state, friendly people, or national parks, but for the road construction. I swear, I see orange and white construction barrels in my sleep! I can say all of this because I have lived here for my entire life. I have never moved away, so I am well aware of how often there is road work going on. In fact, the only time that I can ever remember there NOT being a road project going on was during the World's Fair - and that was in 1982. For those of you with no math skills, that was 27 YEARS ago!! One thing that I've never been able to figure out is why they don't bother to finish one project before they start twelve more. If I were in charge, the guys would be working at night instead of during the day, a project would be complete before another one commences, and there would be ridiculous fines for taking longer than the allotted time to complete the job. But of course, I'm not the one in charge...

Recently, we've had the strangest weather. I can't remember a summer when it rained as much as it has this year. The biggest reason that I have noticed this is because all of these horrific storms hit right at either 7:30 am, or 4:55 pm, right at rush hour! If I thought people couldn't drive before, they REALLY can't drive when it's raining outside!! It's just water people!! Slow down a little (but you don't have to drive 3 miles per hour), turn on your headlights, and don't drive through deep puddles. That should be enough said...

Now in case you didn't know it, in the great state of Tennessee, you can turn right on red. That means that after stopping, it really is okay to turn right. If a car is coming six miles down the road, is really isn't necessary to wait until they pass before turning. I can also promise you that the other driver will not be giving you an engraved invitation to turn either, so please, JUST TURN ALREADY! And another thing, turn lanes are there for a reason. USE THEM!! If you have a turn lane, there is no reason whatsoever for you to slow down in the middle of the road to execute your turn!

If you're driving in the left-hand lane through town, you need to be going at least 45-50 miles per hour, no less. If you aren't, you need to be in the right-hand lane. If you are on the interstate and you are in the left-hand lane, you had better be going at least 70 miles per hour, or you need to move over and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

If your car is like mine, with no power whatsoever, don't pull out in front of someone driving 50 miles per hour. You WILL get run over! This should come as no surprise to anyone. I'm well aware of how long it takes for my car to get going, and you should be too. I'm just saying...

If you are getting on the interstate, that little ramp is called the acceleration ramp. It is designed to get you up to the speed of interstate traffic so that when you merge, you don't get run over by a semi. In case you missed it, to accelerate means to SPEED UP! That would be the pedal on the right...

Recently, the government in Knoxville starting having traffic light cameras installed at intersections around town. If you haven't seen one of these, don't worry. One of them WILL take your picture (in full color, no less) before you know it! Did I mention that I was the lucky recipient of one of those tickets? Oh yes, I got a $50 ticket in the mail for running a red light, complete with a color picture of my car, front and back, and a close up shot of my license plate. Great, right? Oh, but the other thing is that these cameras aren't even property of the Knox County government! They are owned by the company that installs them. So when you get a $50 ticket, $25 goes to the camera company, and the other $25 goes to Knox County as free money (and it doesn't even go on your driving record because the government isn't running the program). I've also heard rumor that there are now live video cameras that will catch you on moving video turning right on red without coming to a complete stop first. I'm sure I'll be getting one of those tickets in the mail soon! I guess the $60 that we've been paying for a STICKER to put on our license plates just wasn't enough money for them... Oh, about that sticker... Once I didn't get my little notice in the mail to renew mine (I mean really, how often do you walk around to the back of the car to make sure your tags are current??), and I got pulled over by a twelve year old cop, who proceeded to write me a $180 ticket for expired tags. And THEN he had the nerve to tell me to have a nice day...

Now I've been really good for all of these years. I'll admit that I yell at other drivers, but I'm proud to say that I've never cussed in front of my child. One morning while was sitting at the intersection of Concord and Northshore (before they installed the traffic circle, but that's another story...), I was waiting to turn left so that I could take Forrest to daycare. There was a car in front of me, also waiting to turn left. It being rush hour, there was quite a bit of traffic, so the other driver couldn't turn just yet. From the back seat, my three year old son pipes up "GO GO GO!!!" That was the low point...

The clean freak in me

I don't where it's come from, but I have turned into a complete clean freak. It's the most bizarre occurrence, seeing as how when I was a kid, I was the biggest SLOB!!! (If you don't believe me, ask my mother, or my friend Kristie who was a permanent fixture at my house in the early years...) When I lived with my parents, my room was so messy that you couldn't even see the floor. My clothes were EVERYWHERE! I have no idea how I could tell the difference between what was clean and what was dirty. Every day, my clothes were completely wrinkled and rumpled because I hate to iron. Mixed in with the clothes were game pieces, Little People, Smurfs, Barbie clothes, and who knows what else. Don't get me wrong - it's not like my mother ever cleaned my room for me. Occasionally she would have a meltdown and threaten my life if I didn't clean it up. The worst times were when she wouldn't let me go outside or watch TV until it was clean (and once, she even grounded me from the phone during a snowstorm when we had no power and nothing else to do but talk on the phone! The horror!!) But when I moved out of the house, something strange happened... All of the sudden, I turned into a clean freak.

I'm STILL not sure how this happened! My first apartment was a garage apartment, and I tend to believe that I was such a neat freak because it wasn't exactly well insulated and there were bugs... BIG bugs! I think I was afraid that if I didn't keep it spotless, the bugs would multiply even more than they already were, and that situation was bad enough as it was. After I moved out of that apartment, I moved into a two bedroom apartment with three other people. That was an experience in and of itself! My very first purchase for that apartment was a vacuum cleaner! At one point, two of my roommates went to Texas to visit family, and I was basically home alone for three glorious weeks (our other roommate was never there). After that, I decided that it was time to move into an apartment on my own. I was tired of fighting a losing battle trying to keep the house clean with three other people living there.

My next apartment was all mine! If I wanted to be messy, I could be messy. If I wanted it spotless, it was spotless. I LOVED it! I don't know if my whole mindset changed when I moved from my parents house. Maybe I just figured that if the house was going to be clean, it was going to have to be me cleaning it. Again, not that my mom ever cleaned my room for me... In fact, our house was pretty much a wreck all of the time growing up... But I digress...

I don't know when I developed a love for organization, cleanliness, and lack of clutter. All I know is that it has hit me hard. I can't stand to have things piled up on the furniture. I don't like knick-knacks because I want a nice, clean, uncluttered surface that is easy to dust. I LOVE the smell of bleach (yes, I know that's really strange) and cleaning supplies like Clorox Clean-up and Lysol. When I clean the house, I clean the house! I want all of the laundry done, the dishes done, the bathrooms immaculate, the floors clean, and NO ONE had better mess them up! This is very difficult when you live with other people! I just figure that if I'm going to spend half of the day on Saturday (which is my day off) cleaning the house, it shouldn't be too much to ask that it stay that way for at least 24 hours!

Cleaning also brings out the Goodwill beast in me. Chris gets irritated with me over this. He accuses me of being the typical woman who gets rid of everything. (Apparently his mother is a lot like this too...) He doesn't understand why you would spend your hard earned money on something, and then just give it away. He does have a valid point, however the fact that he had a salmon pink colored paisley shirt in the closet (now that was the picture of high fashion) that he couldn't possibly have worn/fit into since at least 10th grade does not bode well for his argument. Note I said had... Oh where, oh where did that shirt disappear to?? HMMM... I'll never tell! Not that he's noticed it missing... It's very difficult to be a clean freak and be married to a pack rat.

So this past weekend, the purge began. Emma is almost 9 months old now, which I hate, but it does mean that she is outgrowing things at an alarming rate. Last week, I sold her swing to the daycare. This weekend, I washed her old carseat, and gathered up the carseat bases, a bunch of her old clothes, the infant travel bed, the bug mobile, the bassinet and the baby bathtub and got everything ready to give to a friend that is having a baby in January. THEN I packed up a bunch of other clothes to give to the Goodwill, which amounted to two large trash bags full of stuff! I think I'm going to tackle our closet next, and then onward to the garage. What can I say? Some people have the gift of service, or the gift of leadership. I ORGANIZE!!