out of the mouths of babes

You've always heard that, right? Now that I have children, I know that it's so very true! Since Forrest was born, I have heard more funny things than I ever would have thought possible. I've also become more aware of some of the things that I say and do that I didn't think about before. I knew that children learned from their parents, but there are so many things that Forrest has learned that we didn't intend to teach him...
Sometimes it's just a facial expression, like wrinkling your nose. Sometimes, it's repeating what was said or done. The first thing we actually noticed was when he would take a drink from his sippy cup, he would let out a huge "ahhhhh" after each swallow. I thought it was funny, but then I suddenly realized that he had picked that up from US! Not that it was a bad habit or anything, but we didn't even realize that we were doing that. In fact, I'm STILL not sure which one of us does that, but he's learned it somewhere!!!

Then there was the time that we were eating dinner. I had gotten up to rinse my dishes, and Chris went to do the same. As he stood up, he dropped his fork on the floor. Forrest didn't skip a beat, and sarcastically piped up "That's good, Chris!!" Chris was FURIOUS with him, but I was laughing so hard that I was crying!! I tried my best not to let Forrest see me, but it was just too funny and I couldn't stand it. Chris was giving me the evil eye, and I just had to tell him that he couldn't get mad because Forrest had heard that directly from him. Chris is eternally muttering to himself whenever he does something stupid, and all Forrest did was say something that he had heard before. How can you fault him for that?

And it's not just MY kids! A while back, we met my sister-in-law in Chattanooga and took my two oldest nieces to the aquarium for the day. At dinner that evening, I took the girls to the restroom. As Hanna (7) was pulling down her jeans, Sydney (3) pulled up her dress and sat down on the toilet. Hanna got a little indignant and said "Sydney! I was getting ready to go!" Sydney's response? "You're too late, Honey Bunny!" (Picture the Men on Film doing two snaps up in a circle...)  I could have DIED! It was so great, and I never would have imagined that coming out of a three year old's mouth. She picked that one up from her mom. So funny!!

Then there are the NOT so good things that get repeated... Forrest has spit out a few cuss words here and there. Fortunately, he didn't learn those at home (unless it was on the TV), BUT he wouldn't tell exactly where he heard them either... One afternoon, I found myself having to explain what bitch means (at least the actual meaning of the word), and then having to tell him that it is often used incorrectly and the way he had heard it used was NOT nice. I really didn't want to have to explain to him the meaning of the word, but I figured I would be best to get it out of the way. There was also the time that we were at Chris' company Christmas party when he came up with another little jewel that nearly made me melt into the floor!

Forrest was throwing a tennis ball with one of Chris' co-workers. You'd almost have to see where they were doing this, but it was at the entrance to the company showroom. The front door is about five steps up from the main floor. Forrest was at the top of the steps by the door, and Jay was on the landing below him. They were getting a little wild with their game, and Jay pegged it really hard back at Forrest. Mind you, Jay is standing five steps below Forrest, so it seemed like the ball was thrown a bit low. At the top of his voice, Forrest yells "Don't hit me in the NUTS!!" I could have died right there... I can PROMISE you that he didn't hear THAT terminology at home! I was pretty cool about it, but when I asked him where he heard that word, he refused to answer me. He knows when I ask him where he heard something that it was a word that shouldn't have been repeated, and he won't get anyone in trouble over it.

Or there was the time this past baseball season when his coach made him bunt (he'd had all of ONE lesson in how to do it), and he struck out.  Chris was NOT happy about this!  The game ended shortly afterwards.  It was about 12 degrees and raining outside, so I rushed Forrest off to the car to get the heat going.  Chris was getting the gear together, and was a bit behind us.  As we got into the car, Forrest says "Daddy is PISSED OFF!"  What do you do?  I had to laugh!  So I said, "Yes...  Yes he is...  But let's don't say that word, okay?  It's not a nice word.  And where did you hear that word anyway?"  His answer?  PAWN STARS!!  Oops!!

More random quotes from Forrest:

Me: "So who are your best buddies at school?"

Forrest: "Well, Nick, Caleb, Spencer and Roshan."

Me: "What about girls? Aren't you friends with any girls?"

Forrest: "Well, it's just that they all got vicious somehow..."

Forrest (singing "Jingle Bells"): "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh, O'er the fields we go, laughing all the way. Bells on bobtails ring, making spirits cry..."

Me (laughing): "Making spirits CRY? It's supposed to be a happy song!!"

Forrest (working on a research project on Squanto-4th grade):  "Do you like my picture Daddy?"

Chris:  "Yeah, babe.  That's great!"

Forrest:  "I drew him some nipples."

(Chris and I about to D.I.E.)

Forrest:  "WHAT???  I figured Indians don't wear shirts, so he needed some nipples!"



Squanto and his "naughty bits"



Really?? Every 7 years???

I was once told that your body changes (drastically) every 7 years.  Hmmmmm...  As I'm getting older, I'm not sure I like this.  I guess it makes sense, although it wasn't as noticeable when I was younger.  My teeth started falling out at 7, puberty at 14...  I don't really remember what happened at 21...  Maybe I was just in a drunken haze...  But now 28...  THAT was a monumental year!!


When I was 28, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis.  Oh joy!  That was a blessing!  My sister told me when I hit 30 that I would completely fall apart (she's 7 years older than me).  Well, I didn't even make it to 30!!!  ARTHRITIS at 28????  It started with my hands.  I noticed that when I was not using them, they would get to where I couldn't squeeze them or make a fist.  It would be like that in the mornings, or if I was just laying there watching TV for a while.  My doctor was the one to break the fantastic news...  She said that it wasn't carpal tunnel because it wouldn't affect my pinkie, so it had to be arthritis.  Well, GREAT!


Not long after that, my knee started bothering me.  It hurt to walk on it, and it was swollen up to twice the size of the other one.  I was just SURE that I had done something to it.  (I had no idea what, since I don't believe in exercise so I just don't do it...)  I made the appointment at KOC, and after several x-rays, I was informed that it was arthritis.  Even better!  It's SPREADING...


Other than this, I've been fairly healthy.  I'm not out sick from work, and I rarely have problems outside of an occasional sinus infection (except for the time that my boss decided to come to work with the flu and share it, but that's another story...).  It's all good.  At least it WAS until this past February.  Did I mention that I was 35??


In February, I got the stomach bug.  Well, at least I thought it was the stomach bug.  Emma woke up in the middle of the night, and she had thrown up.  That was a first for her.  She's never thrown up in her two years of life (and I don't count spit up-that's not vomit people!).  I didn't feel bad at all until early the next morning.  When the alarm went off, I just didn't feel right.  I decided early on that I was going to stay home from work.  I figured I'd just keep Emma with me, and it would be all good by the end of the day.  I felt a bit like throwing up (which I HATE to do worse that anything on this earth!), but thought if I stayed still, maybe if would pass.  Ummmmm....  not so much...  It was all down hill from there.  I finally decided to just go throw up and get it over with...  Let's just say that wasn't the end of the story...


I won't grace you with the gory details, but I didn't just throw up.  There was more to it.  You can figure it out...  So anyway, I never threw up again, but the rest of the fun continued on for WEEKS!  I would be fine as long as my stomach was empty, but the second I ate something, I felt AWFUL!  After two weeks of this, I had finally had enough.  I looked (and felt) like death, so I dragged myself to the walk-in clinic.  The doctor started talking about my gall bladder.  Oh joy!  Now THERE'S something I'd never thought about!  He gave me some pills to take that would help keep my food down, and sent me on to my regular doctor.  Well, two months, five doctor visits, $190 in OV co-pays, two scripts, $16 in pharmacy co-pays, an ultrasound, a gall bladder function test, and one surgery later, I'm happy to report that I'm feeling just fine...


I am NOT looking forward to turning 42!  Maybe by then, I will have built up some personal time again.  At least I have six more years to worry about it...