a whole generation of bad parents

After the incident with the neighborhood boy, Chris and I had a long talk about kids and their behavior (this is making me think of old folks sitting around and griping about "the kids these days"). He said something that really bugged me. He said that it was our generation that's causing all of this. He was talking about how our parents didn't raise us this way, but yet, we're now parents of poorly behaved children who either don't care what we think, or we aren't teaching the difference between right and wrong. Our parents got married and stayed that way. Marriage was important, and it wasn't a commitment to be taken lightly. The thought that you could just walk away from it was never there. Our parents weren't afraid to discipline us either. If we were out of line, going to bed without a meal, or a spanking with a switch was never out of the question-it was understood. Manners were important, and being considerate of other people was expected. Now, a parent is ostracized for spanking, and it is altogether too common for a child to be living with a third version of a step-parent, and having half-sisters and brothers in four different households. What has happened here?? If our parents didn't raise us this way, where is all of this coming from? Why is our generation so self-centered, and completely falling apart??

I've seen a lot of this since Forrest started school. He was in daycare, but school was really the first place that I saw this happening. For starters, three years of daycare had NOTHING on one week of Kindergarten. He came home with a terrible attitude! All of the sudden, he was talking back to me, telling me no, and refusing to do anything that I asked of him. He also popped out a few curse words here and there, which I KNOW he didn't learn at home. I realize that he didn't know that he was saying anything bad because he would openly say them in front of me, but the minute I asked him where he heard that, he clammed up and said he couldn't remember. Then I found myself explaining to a five year old what some of those words mean. I was NOT prepared for that!

The worst thing that I have seen to date also occured while Forrest was in Kindergarten. There was the sweetest little girl in his class that year. I went to eat lunch with him one day, and she just latched on to me. She even held my hand as I walked them back to the classroom (which made Forrest a little jealous since I'm his mom)! I was working on a scrapbook project as a gift for the teacher, which required some assistance from the parents, most of whom were completely unresponsive. The day before I was to finish it, I got a call from the little girl's grandmother. She had found out about the scrapbook and was mad at her son for not helping out. She agreed to send me the photos that I needed of her granddaughter. While we were on the phone, I was telling her how sweet her granddaughter was, and how I just fell in love with her that day at school. Turns out that the little girl's parents are divorced, and her dad has custody of both her and her older sister (which makes you wonder how bad the mom is, when her ex-husband gets full custody of the girls). I think she was so taken by me because her mom was nowhere to be found. I mentioned that we would like to take her granddaughter with us to the aquarium sometime. Forrest was always wanting to bring a friend along, and I thought that might be fun.
Not long after the scrapbook project, we called them up and invited her along to the aquarium. Our season passes are for the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga, which is not exactly right around the corner! Her dad agreed to let us take her, so we picked her up at 9:00 on a Saturday morning. We were going to have her all day, until about 9:00 Saturday night. Keep in mind that when we picked her up, this was the first time that her dad had ever laid eyes on us.
We had a great day at the aquarium, but later in the evening, she started talking about spending the night with us. Now this was not in the plans, and we just told her that we might try to do that another time. While we were eating dinner, I asked her if she would like to call her dad (since he hadn't bothered to call and check on her all day...). She talked with him for a few minutes, and then asked if she could spend the night. I wasn't exactly prepared for her to do that, but I should have known better. The craziest part of the whole thing was that her dad AGREED to let her spend the night!! He had seen us for about two minutes when we picked her up that morning, and that was it! He didn't know anything about us, aside from Chris' cell phone number-not even where we live! He has just given us his five year old daughter for the last twelve hours, and is willing to let her spend the night at our house, and he doesn't even know us!! Again, we could have been pedophiles for all he knows! I am STILL horrified over this!

This really is our generation completely failing our children. I don't know how else to say it. I can't imagine dropping your child off with people that you don't even know, and leaving them all day, and never even calling to check on them. I have a hard time leaving Forrest outside, in front of our house, on our street, playing with his friends, when I can't be outside with him. I worry all of the time! There are so many really sick people out there, and a lot of them intend to harm children. I don't know if society is causing this influx of depraved individuals that will kidnap, rape and torture a child, but as a parent, it's my job to protect my children. I know that when I was a child, the world was a different place. We didn't have to worry about abduction, pedophiles, or child pornography. I was free to go to my neighbor's house and play all afternoon without my parents having to be there to make sure that nothing happened to me. I don't like having to explain to my son, who isn't even eight yet, that he can never talk to strangers, and that if we get separated in the store that he needs to go directly to a female store employee to find me. I don't like having to explain why he needs to find a female when that happens, nor do I know how to explain that. I hate that I can't let my son enjoy his childhood the same carefree way that I did.

Regardless, as a parent, it's my job to do these things! I don't enjoy having to do them, but it is a responsibility that I gladly accepted when I decided to become a mom. I have often said that becoming a parent should be the MOST selfish decision that you ever make. If you can't give up all of your "me time," the extra money, the freedom of being an individual, then you don't need to have children. Once a baby is born, it's no longer about you. I think so many of the members of my generation have forgotten that.

A bad mom weekend

Okay, so I know I'm not perfect. I know that there will be days when I'm not even going to be close. I try to be the best at everything that I do, especially at being a mom. But there are just some days that go awry, and Saturday was one of those days...

So Forrest has this new friend. He's a sweet kid, same age as Forrest, and they go to the same school. He even goes to after school care with him. Funny thing is, he's lived in our neighborhood for five years, and until Saturday, I've never laid eyes on him. Now Chris says that he's seen him around in recent weeks (I guess I just wasn't paying attention), but that's still just been very recent, and he's been there for FIVE YEARS?? So anyway, I guess that he and Forrest are new best friends. This is good because Forrest hasn't really meshed with most of the kids on our street. With the exception of one, they are all older than he is, and they just aren't interested in playing with someone younger than they are.

So this boy shows up on Saturday morning and wants to know if Forrest can come outside to play. It was about 10:30 am, and Saturdays are the days that I have to do my chores. I do my best to keep up with things during the week, but since I work full time, the house cleaning and a lot of laundry end up waiting until the weekend. I told Forrest that he could go outside if he wanted to, but just stay close to the house. I don't like him going out when I can't be outside with him (there are WAY too many crazy people out there!), but I just had to keep working and go out from time to time to check on him. Chris was at work, so I was on my own.

Well Emma is teething, and she has got a serious case of separation anxiety going on right now, so needless to say, she was foul. So here I am, trying to clean the house, and do mounds and mounds of laundry, all with a cranky baby who refuses to be put down, so I'm working with one hand. And then, the front door opens for the first of many, many times. In comes Forrest AND his friend, door slamming behind them. Up the stairs to Forrest's room, down the stairs, into the garage, back out the front door - slam. Deep cleansing breath...

So it's time for Emma to eat, and I'm in the kitchen feeding her apricots with cereal, when I see Forrest running through the backyard. Then I hear the front door open (again) - slam. A little odd, but I don't hear anything. Then the front door opens (again) - slam. Then I see Forrest running through the backyard again. Then the front door opens (again) - slam. So the patience is just about gone, and I call out "Forrest?" I'm about to read him the riot act about running in and out when his friend comes around the corner alone. He tells me that Forrest is outside (I guess in the backyard still??), and he wants to know where the door to the garage is because he needs to get something. So I ask what he wants, and I tell him that I will get it for him, but that he needs to go back outside. So he goes back outside - slam - and I go into the garage and get him the pogo stick that he asked for. At this point, I think I'm having an out of body experience...

I'll divert my attention to another topic here for a sec, so bear with me. It has relevance on what I'm writing here... When I was a child, I was never never allowed to go into someone else's yard without their permission (OR my parents), let alone INSIDE their house. Even if I kicked a ball into their yard, I didn't dare retrieve it unless I knocked on their door to let them know I needed to go into their yard to get it. I didn't play with someone else's toys without their permission, and if they allowed me to play with their toys, I was very were careful so as not to break them. And when I was finished, I returned them. What has happened to this???

So a few minutes later, I go outside to check on Forrest, and a strange car pulls up. I stayed put, making sure that the kids were all okay. It turns out to be the boy's mother, who has come to pick him up. Apparently, her car was in the shop and it was ready, so she was going to get it. Well her son didn't want to go with her, so she got out to ask me if she could leave him with me while she went to get it. I told her that would be fine (but I'm completely horrified as to the fact that this is the first time she's met me, and she's perfectly okay with leaving her kid with me, albeit for twenty minutes or so...I could be a pedophile for all she knows!). So now it's about 11:30, and it's lunch time. So I go outside and ask the boys if I can fix them some lunch, and they agree. When it's ready, they came inside - slam - to eat. At this point, Emma is down for her nap, and I'm going 90 mph trying to get as much done (with BOTH hands) that I can while she's sleeping. So they eat lunch, and afterwards decide to play Wii. That lasted all of two minutes, and then headed upstairs (again) to Forrest's room. I'm seriously on the verge of a complete meltdown at this point. I tell them they need to stay downstairs because Emma is sleeping, and they HAD BETTER NOT WAKE HER UP (this was said through tightly clenched teeth)!!!! I suggested that they go back outside and play, which they did... for about two minutes. And then, they came back in - slam - with ANOTHER child.

So I send them back outside, but not until Forrest has called his dad at work twelve times about various things, and the meltdown is coming ever closer. I told Chris that I was about to lose it, and he talked to Forrest and told him that I had things I needed to do, and that he and his friends needed to play outside. After all, it was only 80 degrees, and the humidity was very low. It was a beautiful day! Again, that lasted about two minutes before they're back inside - slam - because they need a drink (they were hot...). This went on and on and on, until they came back in - slam - with another friend, and that was IT!! I finally had a meltdown and sent them all packing, but not before I told Forrest that if he came inside one more time, he would be grounded for the rest of the weekend. That finally got through.

After a whole afternoon and six loads of laundry, I finally got the house clean (but not as well as I would have liked), and Forrest was no longer banished from the kingdom, but it took me all day. Fast forward to 8:00 that evening, and the boy is still outside (where is his mom??) when we get home from dinner. He decided to go home at about 9:30 when it was dark, and his mom called looking for him.

Now I'm trying to be a good mom. I'm not always the best at it, but I'm trying. I want Forrest to have friends, and I want him to be able to bring them inside to play. Unfortunately our house is just not conducive to that. We don't have a basement or a bonus room for them to play, and his bedroom is absolutely tiny. Also unfortunate is the fact that Forrest doesn't pick up his toys (which is MY fault for not enforcing that). But because he doesn't pick up after himself, I know that when his friends are over, everything that comes out will be cleaned up...by ME! Not a good thing when I'm already busting it to get the house clean as it is. I just wish that it didn't take a complete meltdown for me to get my point across. That was not a proud mom moment for me.

On Sunday, as soon as we got home from church, the boy was back for the day, and the whole process started over - slam. And that evening, Emma rolled off the bed. Now, my bad mom weekend was complete...

Random thoughts

• I'm often driving around, and I'll see a random shoe laying beside the road. Where did this shoe come from, why is it there, and where is the other shoe?


• What purpose does poison ivy/oak serve? I hate mosquitoes, but I realize that something out there probably eats them (you know, the whole food chain thing). But to the best of my knowledge, nothing eats poison ivy, and it certainly doesn't eat anything else, so why is it here? Is it just to make me miserable?


• Why is toilet paper so expensive? Really, it's just paper (albeit rather soft paper) that is designed to wipe your butt and be thrown away. It serves no other purpose, so why does it cost so much? This goes right along with diapers... Again, the sole purpose is to catch baby poo and get tossed.


• Why are hotels so expensive? I mean really, why should it cost me a minimum of $80 to have a place to sleep, pee, and take a shower? Nothing else is included in that cost... No food, drinks, or otherwise - well, maybe the tiny bottles of shampoo and soap, but that's it... And I bring my own, thank you!


• How is it that a person that is so tiny can need so much stuff? Emma is the smallest member of our household, but yet, when we go anywhere, we have to take more stuff for her than anyone else in the house. I can't even go to visit my mother without the diaper bag, bottle bag, burp cloth, baby food, spoons, bib, travel swing and/or bouncy seat... oh yeah, and the baby.


• How come the month after I bought an SUV, gas went up to $4.50 a gallon?


• Where are the cops when some idiot goes screaming by you in the turn lane at 90 mph, talking/texting on his cell phone, flipping you off, and runs the red light at the next intersection?


• What is the purpose of the yellow TDOT trucks? They're supposed to be there in case your car breaks down, you have a flat tire, or you run out of gas, BUT there's no way to call them if you need them, and inevitably, they're on the other side of the interstate if you do.


• Why is it that every time I think I'm getting caught up with the bills and I'll have some extra money, I get the bill for the car insurance, or the tag renewals, or the deposit for after school care?


• Why is baby formula so expensive? Have you read the ingredient label? The number one ingredient is corn syrup solids. Yeah, that's it. So why does it cost a minimum of $16 a can (and that's for generic!!)?


• What exactly is imitation crab meat?


• Why is it that when I finally get a day to sleep late, I wake up at 7:00 am? And why is it that I have to drag the kids out of bed during the week, but on the weekends, they pop up bright and early?


• How is it possible that tea has more caffeine than Coke?


• Why is all of the really tasty food bad for you?


• Why couldn't I live in the Middle Ages when being fat was a sign of wealth and royalty?


• Why is it that I only crave fattening foods when I decide to go on a diet?


• Have you ever noticed that you only catch the really long red lights when you're already late? Or is it that you just notice it more?

Life...slipping away before my very eyes

I think I'm getting old. Not that this has come as any great shock to me (seeing that I'm 34 years old now), but I just don't feel old... Well, I take that back. Sometimes I feel old. There are just things that I've noticed over time that make me realize that if I'm not there yet, old age is rapidly approaching.

The first time I felt really like a geezer, I was a mere 21 years old. At the time, I was the manager at Baskin Robbins in the mall. Of course, every kid that ever thought about looking for a job thought that selling ice cream at the mall would be the coolest job (and I must say, it really was better than pushing greasy fast food). So anyway, a kid came in with a job application, and he was born in 1980. I nearly died!! The kid wasn't even born in the same decade as me!!! I know that he was only five years younger than me, but it had never really even crossed my mind that someone that was born in 1980 would be old enough to have a job. That just sounded so young to me!

When I was 22, I plucked my very first gray hair. You know how people always reminisce about where they were when...? Well, I remember finding my first gray hair like it was some earth shattering event. Chris and I had just started dating, and we had gone to Hilton Head. He was in the bait shop buying squid (how romantic...), and he was taking me on my very first ocean fishing trip. I was sitting in his little Nissan pick-up truck, and I pulled down the visor mirror to take a look - remember, we had just started dating, and this was back in the day that I actually cared about my appearance. Now after 11 years of marriage, he's seen me at my worst! But anyway, there I was, making sure that I was looking presentable, and I saw IT. My first gray hair! I was completely traumatized! (I have so many now, there's no point in even worrying about it any more.

It wasn't long after that when Chris and I got married. One night, we were having date night at the movies. It was somewhere in the dead of winter, and it was really cold outside. We were sitting at a table in the lobby before the movie started, and in comes this girl, I'm guessing she was maybe 15 or 16 years old, wearing men's work pants and a cropped shirt. She had her belly button pierced (did I mention that it was the middle of winter and her stomach was hanging out??), and her black bra straps were showing through her white shirt. I looked at Chris, and I said those deadly old words... "Our kids will NEVER leave the house dressed like that." There it is people! I had officially crossed over...

So my sister is almost seven years older than me, and she was warning me about all of this. She told me that when I turned 30, my body would completely fall apart. (I guess I need to ask her what happens at 40, now that she's hit that lovely milestone...) Well guess what? I didn't even make it to 30! I was 28 when I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis. Yeah, that was a great day at my house...

On top of all of that, I've noticed other things. When I lived with my parents, my mother drove me NUTS! Once I moved out, I realized that the reason that she made me crazy was because I'm just like her! I've found myself saying things to my kids that I swore I'd never say. Things that she used to say to me that I hated, and I swore I'd NEVER say to my kids...

Everyone always used to tell me that time goes by so fast, and the older you get the faster it goes. I didn't get that at the time. When you're a kid, time just drags. It seemed like I was never going to turn 16, or 18, or 21... And when I was 16, 18 was old. When I was 18, 21 was old. Now that I'm a geezer, 95 is old...but I digress... When I was a kid, the school year seemed to drag on for an eternity. Now, I blink and a year has gone by, and I don't know where it went! I'm convinced that some of that has to do with payday (living paycheck to paycheck will do that to you-but then that's MY fault...), and the rest has to do with being a parent. I just had Forrest yesterday, and he's going to be EIGHT YEARS OLD in two weeks... AND he's starting THIRD GRADE next month!! And Emma cut her first tooth last week! What's wrong with this picture??

But all of that being said, I still feel like I've been wishing my life away. I'm horrible with money (thank you God for giving me a husband with financial sense...), so I feel like I really am living paycheck to paycheck. Before I have even gotten one check deposited, I'm already balancing the checkbook to see how much money I'll have after the next payday. That's one thing that makes time go by so fast. Then there's the weekends. I spend the whole work week looking forward to the weekend, which always goes by entirely too fast. On Mondays, it's right back to looking forward to the weekend again... And let's don't forget vacation. It's only the second week of July, and I'm already looking forward to our vacation in August. It's no wonder time is flying! As my wonderful husband likes to say, I can feel my arteries hardening at night...