One year is already gone

I am in complete disbelief that my baby girl is one!! I know that I'm supposed to be happy about this, but I'm not. She's just growing up so fast, and I can't stand it!! Maybe it's because I know that we aren't going to be having any more, or maybe it's because she's just so sweet that I want her to stay just like she is forever. I don't know... I just know that I remember this day, one year ago, just like it was yesterday.

I went to the hospital at 6:00 in the morning. Chris went to get me all checked in while the nurse hooked up all of the monitors and put in the IV. When she hooked up the fetal monitor, she asked me if I felt that. I said, "Felt what?" Apparently, I was already having contractions and didn't even know it yet! I was being induced a week before my actual due date, which was November 27, Thanksgiving. I guess Emma had other plans because she wasn't going to wait until then anyway! I remember the doctor telling the nurse that she needed to be ready because this was going to "go fast." I guess she was referring to how quickly Forrest was born, which was just over six hours of labor-really fast for a first baby.

By 11:00, I was ready to push, but Forrest hadn't arrived from school yet, so we just waited. My mom and dad had gone to pick him up, but the class was making a card to welcome Emma, so it took a little while. When he finally got there, we talked for a few minutes, and then he waited outside. At 12:18 pm, our sweet baby girl was born!! Forrest was the first to get to come in and see her. It was so precious!! I introduced them, and it was love at first sight!! We spent about a half an hour alone, and then brought in the rest of the family. It was such a wonderful day!!

I have such mixed feelings about this day. It was such a wonderful day for our family, but looking back, it makes me sad that time is going so fast!! I miss the intimacy of trying to get pregnant, knowing that you may be creating a new life. I miss the delicious secret of finding out that you ARE pregnant, and knowing that no one else knows. I miss BEING pregnant. I had two wonderful pregnancies, but like any other woman out there, I was OVER it by then end of the nine months. Sure, I wanted it to be finished, and I wanted to get to hold my baby. BUT, the second that it's over, I miss the pregnancy. I miss getting to feel the baby moving inside of me, knowing where she is, and that she is safe at all times. I miss those late night feedings when it's just the two of us, snuggled up while the rest of the family is sound asleep in their beds. I miss those baby smells, and tiny baby noises. I miss the little fingers and toes, and the tiniest little nose. I miss laying on the bed with a sleeping baby on my chest. I know, I know... She's only a year old!! It's not like she's a teenager and I don't still get to enjoy some of these things. I just don't want to see them come to an end!

I was looking at Forrest the other day, and he's just HUGE! I remember when HE was this tiny! I remember my whole pregnancy with him, and when he was born. I remember sitting on the couch feeding HIM at three in the morning. And now he's EIGHT!!! My babies are growing up so fast!! I know that I will have many memories of my children, many more than just baby memories, but I want to hold onto these moments from when they're little for as long as I can. I treasure these memories, and I just want time to stop for a little while so that this won't go by so fast!